I believe that there is an unspoken contract between those who purport to make comedy and those who watch comedy. That contract states that in exchange for the viewer's time and attention, he or she will experience the simple joy of laughter. Anything less constitutes a breach of contract. Comedy artists work very hard to hold up their end of the bargain and hope that we laugh. We certainly have. For those of us who have not fully given our time and attention, should expect to do better in the future. Talking to loved ones while the show is on, even if it's to comment on the show, means we're not really holding up our end. Try waiting for the commercials to discuss specific jokes and startling plot developments. Another thing to look out for is eating loud food that gets in the way of hearing all the dialogue (this includes eating in a hurry so your dinner will be fully digested before the folks at CSI Miami start poking at cadavers). Needless to say, all phones must be shut off and toilet visits are allowed only if clothing, furniture and slow-moving pets are threatened. In such cases, viewers are encouraged to leave the bathroom door ajar so they can still hear the show (men are advised to pee on the porcelain part of the bowl to reduce unnecessary "stream" noise). If the above demands seem onerous, please keep in mind that an unspoken comedy contract has been signed. Failure on the part of either party to comply with its terms will result in reality TV.
